Dylan's Grace Notes

Theology Bingo!

For those of you who are going to church conventions or meetings you fear will be boring beyond your worst fears ... for those of you dreading that final seminary paper ... for those of you who have lost motivation to write that sermon ... and of course, for those of you taking GOEs soon, never fear:

I have heard your cries!

Yes, all of these experiences can be taken with all the gravity that they're worth, and then some, while also providing a fun challenge to your own and your colleagues' wits.

Just download these bingo cards! You can play that whoever hears a word on her or his card may cross it off, but I think a special prize should go to anyone who actually USES all of the words in a row, column, or diagonal in a single motion or speech.

Please let me know about any winners you come across, and happy playing! (Also let me know if you want me to provide you cards with a different heading and/or for a different context.)

astonishing.

A lot of people are talking about Donnie Davies, whose video for a song he calls "The Bible Says" (although the chorus of it consists pretty much of "God hates fags/ and if you're a fag / he hates you too"). I first saw it via Salon.com's "Video Dog" column, but I see that now StandFirm has picked it up as well, with some mostly solid advice for Davies' career.

I'll add to what StandFirm has said by cautioning them that when they advise him, "under no circumstances give up your day job," they neglect to note that if this guy is telling the truth, his day job is that HE'S A YOUTH MINISTER. That I believe he ought to quit, pending his receiving intensive psychotherapy at length (and, of course, the biblical education that StandFirm advocates for him as well).

I'd also like to note this bit of wisdom from Davies' page of information on "C.H.O.P.S." ("Changing Homosexuals into Ordinary People") program, which he's offering to the world so that people like me can become more like him:

"Oscar Wilde, my hero, was a reformed homosexual. He went to prison for his sins. Once he was alone with his thouhgts, in jail, he saw the errors of his ways and repented. He died as a Christian. While I'm not advocating jailing all Homosexuals, I do think it would benefit them greatly. It would be for their own good. When a person is forced to think they will generally be able to see their problems and solve them by themselves."

Yes, he's serious. He really thinks that Oscar Wilde is a "Reformed Homosexual," as his "ministry's" (or is that "record label's" -- he calls it both) homepage makes clear.

God made us all and loves us all, even though some of us manage to get really, really messed up.

alles klar, Herr Kommissar?

The Living Church is now reporting that all dioceses formerly requesting "Alternative Primatial Oversight" have changed their request to match +Stanton's for a "Commissary." In honor of the proposed revival of the office created (as +Stanton's statement notes) for the established church of the British Empire to supervise her outposts in the colonies, I offer this 80's tune, along with its lyrics in German and English. "Alles klar, Herr Kommissar?"

I kid you not.

And the winner of the "oddest press release title of the week" award is:

"Grizzly Adams Releases New 12 Volume Biblical Series."

Apparently there's a company called "Grizzly Adams Productions," which I suppose were the folks who gave us that loveable family-friendly series about a same-sex couple, one of whom was a fugitive for murder, who were into leather and "bears." Or something like that. And now they're putting out a 12-volume series on the bible (in which I hope they hyphenate things correctly). Ah, Grizzly Adams ...

a cautionary tale

This BBC story blames a 50-mile car chase with police on the 20 cans of Red Bull the apprehended driver had consumed. The article also mentions that the man was severely depressed and had a history of mental illness ... but it was definitely the Red Bull that made him go berserk. And let that be a lesson to you all about the dangers of caffeine!

need some Sunday School classroom posters?

The ever-fabulous Ship of Fools provides a link in their "Fruitcake Zone" to the Friend of Churches Ministries site. There you'll find such useful information as a list of "why the News Mafia is so enraptured with Islam" that includes such points as "they both hate America," "they both love murder and bloodshed," and "they both hate the freedom of speech." You'll also find opportunities to order posters like this for your Sunday School classroom:

... which shows a smiling teen driving a monster truck labeled "King James Version" over a pile of bibles labeled as other translations (NIV, NASV, and so on) while a smiling, all-white crowd cheers him on. And then there's this one:

... showing a smiling teen carrying a pile of ammo at least as large as he is and gleefully blasting away on the battlefield, and then marching proudly through the all-white (except that one token black guy) flag-waving crowd at home.

Good thing that someone's finally addressing the two greatest ills besetting our youth: their spending far too much time reading the Bible in translations other than the KJV, and their being reared in a culture that glorifies peacemaking far too much. It's time that someone finally takes a stand against all of those marathon NIV bible studies that we all know teenagers are engaging in behind our backs and all of those "first-person-negotiator" video games in which they control an animated character who fights bad guys and rescues the innocent using a combination of diplomacy and nonviolent direct action!

audio oddity

I'm an Advent purist myself, but Karen (my partner) likes to listen to Christmas music in December, so I made a lengthy iTunes playlist of Christmas music, and last night my computer was singing away through the stereo in the living room with Karen while I was cooking in the kitchen (a spicy hot chocolate drink with cinnamon and ancho chiles, inspired by the fabulous Maggi Dawn).

I'd recently installed a screensaver from a CD that U2.com sent to members, though, that has an image of a woman's face and the sound of a woman's voice reading from the United Nations' Universal Declaration of Human Rights. About ten minutes after the screensaver kicked in (leaving my iTunes playlist of Christmas music still going), Karen wandered into the kitchen saying, "honey, I think there's something wrong with the computer." When I walked into the living room, this bizarre audio juxtaposition was playing, and I thought it was funny enough to share with y'all.

Enjoy!

Dylan needs ...

A meme making its way around the Internet, with a tip o' th' hat to Kathyrn: you Google your name and the word "needs," and blog the top ten hits that come up. So, according to Google, this is what Dylan needs:

1. Dylan needs to go to the bathroom
2. Dylan needs to speak out
3. Dylan needs a black woman
4. Dylan needs to be able to move to complete creative potential
   
5. Dylan needs a way to specify output formats for floats
   
6. Dylan needs rescuing
   
7. Dylan needs Tyr
8. Dylan needs some friends
   
9. Dylan needs a Pulitzer Prize
   
10. Dylan needs to go on tour

Oh, the things one learns from Google!

which saint are you?

Hardly surprising, given that I'm a Franciscan ...

You are Saint Francis of Assisi! You don't care
what you look like (or smell like) as long as
you can live simply and help the poor. You
should be receiving your stigmata any day now.

Which Saint Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

another quiz

What blogging archetype am I? I guess I shouldn't be surprised ...

You are an AKMA.
You stand out from the crowd because of deeply held beliefs in the unknown.
You ponder endlessly and treat everyone, even fucknozzles, with respect.
WWAD (what would AKMA do) guides your actions.
Take the What Blogging Archetype Are You test at GAZM.org